god

i believe in god, that's why i don't believe in religion

a quote that was said by vir das in his video, but i have repeated ever since. why so? and how did this change my perspective to spirituality. ever since i was a kid, i was introduced to this concept of a person who handles everything. god. this man handles what rewards i get if i eat my food, do my homework, and get good grades, he also decided my punishments. i hated god back then. then as a hindu, i was soon introduced to gods, emphasis on the sss. and slowly my interest started to increase for the stories in hinduism. i listened closely to every vrat katha, watched mahabharat on star plus religiously everyday without skipping, read every story i could. and soon enough, i was introduced to jesus, allah, budhha and many other gods, i started  reading stories related to every mythology be it norse, greek, roman etc and slowly i stopped believing in gods. i became an atheist, partly because my dad is like that, but my dad always repeated something to me, "log bhagwan mein vishwas isiliye karte hai, taaki unhe akela mehsoos na ho dikkato ke time pe" and as a naive 13 year old, who saw an ideal world around him, ignored this statement, because kya hi dikkat hogi insaan ko.

when i first arrived in college, and settled in my hostel. the first night that i slept, the first thought was "hey bhagwan bacha lena" because that's what i have been taught, ki if you ever feel in danger, bhagwan is always there for you. and this confused me. when i don't believe in god, why do i believe that he'll save me. then i realised most of us believe in a higher superpower because we don't want to be truly alone. the times when you are surrounded by a crowd of people, but deep inside you feel alone. we believe that a higher authority is in control. because the more out of control we feel, the more anxious we become. that's why we say that everything is destined and planned (which i also believe). now for my own opinion.

i think most of us are wrong about god. i have visited enough temples, gurudwaras, churches and mosque to know that people only come there to apologize or to want something. we make the bad decisions, and then immediately go to apologize to the one we think is in control, so that we don't get punished afterwards. i don't think any of us are doing good deeds just because it feels good, or because it's who we are. i think most of us are just scared of that one above, which is wrong. i feel that we often talk to god rather than talking with god. that man used his time to create you, gave you all those qualities, set up a whole life for you so that you can improve and become the person you are supposed to become, and we cry to him about how shitty this life is. no one's life is shitty, but their situation is. never hate your life, just hate the situation, and hate it for the time being. life is like a puzzle, you don't understand rn because you are up close, you will see the bigger picture when all the pieces are put together.

for me god is the cameraman for our lives. whenever something weird or something unexpected happens in my life, i just look at the camera and go, "seriously?". every night, or alternate nights, i just close my eyes, imagine warmth, imagine a person sitting next to me, and i just rant about everything, then i think about it, and discuss it with the person, and go "ahhh that's why, this problem's so small". enjoy your lives, god is everywhere, he is in the warmth you feel in the sunlight, he is in the smell that comes from the flowers. tune yourself out from your life around you and just look at your surroundings and enjoy your life. good night.