future

i have been waiting for this moment for a long time. i will become 18 in a few days. but as the date comes closer, i am dreading what is waiting for me. but why though? why am i feared of the future if i don't what it is? maybe i am afraid that i don't have any knowledge about it. humans are known to be comfortable when they know what's out there. we are scared of deep oceans, because we don't know what's out there. we're scared of the void known as space, because we don't know what's out there waiting for us.

but that is what excites us well. being void of knowledge about the universe is what excites us humans to find out more. i wouldn't be typing this blog, if we as humans wouldn't figure out, how to turn silicon, which is sand, into bits and pixels. 

maybe i am excited about my future as well. i don't know what it holds for me. will everything be okay? will my family be healthy? will my friends be together? i don't know. but hoping for the best is what i can do right now.

being a 17 year old in india has given me a reality check. there are a lot of people more talented, more hardworking than me. but at the end, none of them is me, except me. maybe that's what makes each of us "individuals". not the genetics, not the body. rather the experiences we gather. all throughout life, each of us would experience different kinds of successes, different types of heartbreaks, different kinds of hurdles and problems as well. maybe at the end, we humans are just a collection of other's experiences.

your favorite song, is written and sung by some other person, who probably experienced something, because of someone. by this logic, none of your likes and dislikes are personal. rather, just what you experience from others.

but, doesn't that mean, we are more connected to outside, than ourselves. maybe all this, maybe the detachment, the pressure we feel today is because we are not tuned with ourselves. when's the last time you sat with yourself, thought about yourself, and your decisions? why when you make decisions, you regret them later? not because you didn't think, but because you don't know what you want? maybe the lack of a goal in person's life is what pulls us to an eternal rut. 

there are qualities in you, that you suppress since childhood, because you think that they are not acceptable by the society. carl jung called this "the shadow", tim s grover in his book relentless refers this multiple times as "the dark side". and both came to the same judgement that you are whole if you are connected with your shadow per say.

that means, we are so connected to the internet, we are not connected to ourselves. maybe the solution to your sadness, your problems, is in you. you just need to find it. but what do i know, i am just a 17 year old, undergrad.

this is my first blog post, i don't know this will be consistent or not, but i will be posting here. i thought about my first a lot, but decided to go with what i am thinking nowadays.